You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
