I look better un-naked...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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