I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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