Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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