i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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