Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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