even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
