In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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