So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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