Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
