I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I smell like Dick and happiness
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
