there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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I think I just cured my dogs munchies
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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