Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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