She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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