It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
