dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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