Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
