She's JV to your varsity
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
