The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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