i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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