census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
