I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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