I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
