Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
