How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
