And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
