I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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