He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You're a waste of cheezeits
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
