Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
id be glad to
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
