lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
