Tell her she can't have a vagina
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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