So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
