Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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