i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
