Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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