I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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