Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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