Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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