Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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