I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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