don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
