I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?