I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Let's paint friendship bongs
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
