I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
