The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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