id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
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Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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