You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
