it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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