Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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