You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
