i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
