he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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