3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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