his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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