Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize