i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
