I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
