Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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