I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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