its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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