Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
false alarm, still single
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