So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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