Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize