hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
