Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
