my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
